Our Farewell
by Kowaku
Summary: Berwald stared through the mirror, and saw himself standing there all alone. - Angsty Su/Fin fanfic.


Our Farewell.

Music: Evanescence - My immortal

* * *

_'G'd ni't T'no.'_

_'Good night, Berwald.'_

Berwald closely wipened his eyes open and reached his hand to the left side of his bed. This time, he couldn't reach nothing but emptyness. Blonde man closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to find the familiar warmth, but the only thing he felt was cold. There was nothing left on the double bed that he once had shared with the kindest and warmhearted person he had ever known.

Tino was gone.

Berwald rised himself and putted his classes on, and with his cold eyes he stared to the empty side of the bed. The white blanket layed there as so untouchable that it was almost impossible to imagine that someone had slept under it. Man's blue eyes squinted a little, and he took the letter which layed on the bed.

It hurted. That small sentence written with such a small letters was the only thing breaking the pureness of the white paper. It was like those words pierced Berwald's heart like burning arrows. But it wasn't pain which would have been caused by a sword in a fight. No, it was much more deeper and painful. Yes. It was the pain you have to suffer when you loose someone who was the most important person to you in your whole life and beyond. That was pain and sorrow mixed up in the love once so pure and beautiful that it was almost exepted to end up in ruins. Just in a blink of an eye.

_I'll always love you._

Berwald let his hold yield, and the paper calmly fell on the white blanket of the bed. He swallowed the bitter tears and walked out of the bedroom. The memories of yesterday appeared into Berwald's mind with all that pain and sorrow.

He couldn't never again be able to wake up and see Tino lying next to him. He was alone now. To the ends of day, he would be alone. He knew it, even though he didn't want to. He wanted to denay it. Erase all those memories from his mind. He wanted to walk back in those times that were full of nothing else but love and happiness. But those times were far away back in past. They lived only in the memories, who would finally end up fading away like everything else.

Berwald stared through the mirror, and saw himself standing there all alone. Alone. And weak.

--

"Listen, Berwald..."

"Shh. D'nt s'y n'th'ng."

"No, Berwald, listen to me. I have to leave."

"D'nt."

"I have to. It's the only way, and even if it hurted-"

"J'st d'nt do 't."

"Berwald, you know we can't live together anymore. You always knew this was going to happen."

"...no."

"Why must you do this so much harder than it already is?"

"... I... I love you, T'no."

"I know it, Berwald. And I love you too. But we can't carry on anymore."

"'m s'rry..."

"It's not your fault, it's not anyones fault. It's just... just that..."

Tino closed his eyes to keep the tears inside. It was hard. It was painful. Too hard and too painful. But the more they had to wait, the more it would hurt. Tino knew it. And Berwald knew it. The taller man wiped his hands gently around the other and placed the other on Tino's light blond hair, trying to the other's pain.

"...you have to let go, Berwald."

"..."

"I'm serious, don't make this even harder than it is now.."

"'m s'rry, 't's j'st th't..."

"..Berwald?"

Tino felt the other man's warm breath on his sholder, and tenderly wrapped his hands around Berwald's waist. He felt how the older blond trembled against his small chest, and he also felt how the strong arms squished around his neck, almost begging.

"... d'nt w'nt t' l't go."

"Me neither, but..."

New silence. Tino breathed the smell of that man, who had been there to him always. Even though there had been hard centuries, they hadn't broke up. Not any war had broken the bond that had tied their hearts together tighter than anything. But their destinies had always walked different paths, and there was no way they could stand this situation anymore. They had to do that what they mostly scared. They had to let go.

"Berwald, I love you..."

"... D'nt s'y 'ntyth'ng."

"Berwald?"

The hold of the older man got tighter and Tino could feel Berwald's heart beating so hard against his own.

"..d'nt w'nt t' h'r..."

"But I love you and-"

"D'nt.."

Tino sighed silently. Even though he had lived with Berwald so long and had knew the man so well, he still couldn't understand that much of him, even if he wanted. There was always almost nothing to read on the other's face. He buried his feelings so deep into his heart, that there was always left only coldness and usually anger. Tino had gone used to it and usually knew how Berwald felt inside, even if he couldn't see it. But sometimes, like in this situation, he couldn't understand the other at all. And that was the thing that made Tino feel hesitant and sometimes even frustrated.

This time he kept waiting silently. He knew it was hard to Berwald, becouse after all those years the negative feelings had been massing around. And now, when the wall had finally crashed down, when the wounds had finally been opened, it was too late. There was nothing left, only fading memories around their separeted paths.

And right there, between the paths, they standed embracing each other, trying to protractre the moment they only had left after all those years. It really was bittersweet, just standing on the tombstone of died love, holding and trying to not to let go even if it was impossible.

Just trying to not to say the last words.

The words that would seal the ending.

The last farewell.

"I h'te g'dby's."

Finally Berwald whispered those words into the other's ear, opening his eyes but still not seeing anything. The sight of his eyes had gone blurry becouse of the tears that he had tried to keep away for so long. But now he was breaking down with those memories. It truly was like an ending of all. How could Berwald ever go on without Tino by his side, caring and smiling that so warm and so loving smile and wipeing away all bad feelings. He had sweared to not to let go. Not any longer, when he had done it too many times. He had caused too much pain for the one he had ever loved. Becouse when you really love someone, you know when you have to let go so that you won't hurt that person never again. Even if it hurted yourself, even if it would be easier to just wait and hope for better times. And that hard decission was now in front of Tino and Berwald.

Berwald felt how one warm tear was able to escape to his cheek. He had never cried in front of anyone, not becouse of any pain, not for centuries. But now he couldn't help it. He felt himself so weak and useless, just standing there and being afraid that the feets of his won't carry on any longer. Trembling and crying, revealing suddenly all those weak points of his mind. Being afraid that if he let go, everything would be in ruins. That would be something that he couldn't stand. That was the reason he hated goodbyes.

Suddenly Berwald felt the familiar, caring warmth against his chest. Tino pulled himself closer and rised his hand to wipe away the lonely tear on taller man's face. The small and warm smile was back in his lips, which drew closer to Berwald's and kissed them carefully. That kiss dissolved away the helpless sorrow between them. Berwald didn't want to let it end, but Tino leaned back and looked at him with those blueberry-lilac eyes who always were full of that undefined warmth. Tino's hand delicately stroked Berwald's cheek.

"Then let's not make this end up as one."

--

But it still felt like one. Even that the last night had been such a wonderful one, it wasn't strong enough to erase the pain which choked Berwald's heart like an ice-cold hand. It was too cruel that they had to end up like this, after all those years they had kept going. After all what they had done to save what they had.

And now it was all gone. Nothing left but sorrow and bittersweet memories who only caused pain now. Right now Berwald had nothing else but those caustic feelings left in his empty chest, where once had beated one happy and loving heart.

But not anymore. Silently Berwald stood still, letting the bittersweet tears slowly fall down his cheeks. There was left no emotion on his face. Just emptyness. Without Tino there was nothing but emptyness. Without Tino Berwald didn't have anything. Tino had been his reason to live. And now the boy was gone. Probably forever.

It truly was the end.

It was their final goodbye.

The silent farewell of faded love.

--

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone _

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

_  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me _

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me _

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time can not erase _

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me _

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along _

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me _

* * *

Such an angsty one, isn't it? :D;

Ookay, it's my first finished fan-fic, but I hope it's not that bad... and sorry, there's probably many failures with sentences, english isn't my native language. Thanks for reading, hope you liked it.


End file.
